williamcontrol: -What the difference between 10,000 dead babies and a corvette? I dont have a corvette in my garage. -How many babies does it take to paint a house? It depends how hard you throw them. Haha. Ye- No. http://www.formspring.com/forms/?676115-svXZrJxj3M How do you get 1000 babies into a bathtub? Blender How do you get them out? TOSTITOS
Anygay is officially an overused Phrase
My friend Sanmi wrote this
obliteratedheart: I woke up one morning, stood in front of my full length mirror and counted 36 different parts of my body i wanted , wished and hoped i could fix. I tugged on the extra flesh of my arms, extended my neck a little higher so the hint of a second chin would dissipate and sighed. I sighed because about half of those 36 things i had counted were half of the things my boyfriend loves...
txtsfrmlstnght: (828): Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end. You saw that?
I used to walk down the street like I was a fucking star. I want people to walk...– Lady Gaga (via rustyruins) (via remusjlupin)
Yes, I have decided to shun Andy Bernard for the next three years. Which I’m...– Dwight Schrute (via crabcakes)
As if today couldn't get any worse. My tumblarity...
Stupid Google god rid of my Tumblr Thumbnail and I...
madeofcheese: mliaverage: Last week, my brother’s school did a performance of ‘Into the Woods.’ The baker character said to his wife “Well… perhaps it will take the two of us to get this child.” Everyone awkwardly laughed at the pun. A few seconds later the 70+ year old woman in front of me laughed and shouted “IT’S A SEX JOKE.” Everyone, including the actors, were in tears. MLIA.
I Am” is the shortest sentence in the English language….”I Do” is the longest...– (via fuckyeahalbuquerque) I just got it
Whooops! After 50 years of mistaken identity, US... →
shaanmichael: CLEVELAND - Zookeepers in Cleveland are the ones feeling slow because after more than 50 years, they’ve discovered a tortoise they call “Mary” is actually male. Officials at the Cleveland Metroparks Zoo say it can be tough to establish the sex of a giant Aldabra tortoise because the reproductive organs normally aren’t visible. But Mary’s maleness was unexpectedly revealed earlier...
You’re going to need to stick your head in his ass– Harley Wang instructing two volunteers what they would need to do in the middle of a graded English presentation on Uncle Tom’s Cabin
shaanmichael: I always say it puh-tear-oh-dack-tul. I will now
This is great
txtsfrmlstnght: (240): There’s a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find. (443): So glad I found your sister.
Questions for GOP candidates
Question 1: “Would you have sex with a man if it would prevent a terrorist attack?” Question 2: “If it were technologically possible, would you go back in time and abort Osama bin Ladden?”
This just made my day
Scott: yeah... neither are ours. except one, which sits next to me in German
Jake: hahah omg i love german class
sorry that was random lol
Scott: no it wasn't! i threw german out there to passive aggressively find out which if any language you were taking
I showed Doc Sue the mom jeans video on youtube
and her first reaction was hey! I have those jeans! I love you Doc Sue
MYSTERY GOOGLE IS SCARY
I typed in Bad Romance. and it gave me Call 480 276 1292 (my phone. I’m too afraid to call it